Category Archives: Novel

digging the foundations cont.

I have decided that is raining today, I can smell it on the wind that brings my breakfast, but they have hidden things in it again and I cannot eat it. The rain helps, the roll of thunder and then the downpour and the smudge at the top of the wall fades a bit.

The men in the walls were up all night talking. we are here, we are here, they even had the woodpeckers helping. Mauta tried to get in but he could not get past my guard, she’s a mad woman with ticking eyes but she can keep Mauta out. She is a powerful ally and has taught me some of her tricks, one of Mauta’s men made it in and she taught me to tear his head from its shoulders, They are beasts and the ticking woman told me to eat their flesh but when I refused she was disgusted with my weakness. she will train me eventually, she says eating flesh will make me strong and invisible and I will able to drift out thru the cracks in the walls.

“you must eat” it is Vayu, he slides in through the cracks. he has brought me flowers this morning they are still wet from where he picked them out in the rain. he folds them up and puts them in his pocket with his pen and I realize that they are not for me.

“did you forget your umbrella?” Vayu raises on eyebrow, I try to mimic it but can’t so I lift my left with my right index finger.

Vayu hands me an apple “eat” I take it Vayu nods shortly. “ thank you for not making me wait”

“The mark is less noticeable, the rain helps” I take a bite of the apple.

“Washes away the sins from whence they came” he is giving me whence but don’t like it, it annoys me when he tries to pick my words for me. They are like rotted peach pits painted gold I can smell the rot beneath the glimmer.

“Quite” I reply, he knows now that whence is not one of my words.

“why are you not eating?” Vayu moves the tray closer. “they have all put their fingers in it, they taste it first and give me only what they do not like. I will not eat their leftovers” I will not tell him that they hide things in the food I’ve found teeth and buttons in the cores of apples.

“you do not want others to touch your food?” he looks at the apple core, I do not remember eating it all, he smirks he thinks he has found a hole an wants to burrow in his nose twitches Vayu the rat

“ No, I do not want second rate food that is not good enough for others, but sufficient for me. you chose the apple for you, I will eat your apples.”

“you must eat.” he is upset

“I will eat from your plate, you may have this.” I shove the tray toward him it is covered in a grey paste.

“Very well” he eats an apple from the tray. “when did it start raining?”

I watch as he smears toasted bread with butter. “midnight” I breath deep I can smell it, the wet earth. and I feel the crackle in the air and it comes down harder.

“How long can I expect this deluge to continue?” Vayu knows that I know the weather and he trusts me.

I smile and preen “weeks, the deluge will probably flood everything. it’s a very big deluge.”

“you like the rain then?” Vayu is concerned with like and dislike.

“it’s not as noticeable when it rains” he does not understand that there is no like and dislike. the light is either on or off but I have no preference and I let the switches decide since I am not invested in the issue.

“what is less noticeable?” he has decided to let me pick out our path today. I don’t know where to go though. “The others” when they first put me in here there was another. A mad woman, they locked me in with her and we would stand separated by a veil while her eyes ticked from left to right like a clock but her timing was off and she moved wrong. She would mimic me and I would show her how to look sane we would spend hours trying to get into rhythm but she just couldn’t get the still parts right, even if we held perfectly still those eyes would tick. they took her away I can hear her at night those eyes still ticking.

Vayu shifts he is nervous about the others “what others?”

“they are coming.” I smile up at him. “we are here, we are here it wont be long now”

” you are alone here. no one is coming” he snaps

Vayu seemes angry now. I can hear the ticking woman she’s creeping in the walls and I know she will destroy Vayu and we will eat his flesh, shes becoming more and more hungry these days I’ve caught her licking my fingers at night when we try to sleep. I see her she sneaks just out of sight and I lunge for her. “WE ARE HERE, WE ARE HERE. not long now” Vayu melts into the walls and then they bring the snakes i fight the ticking woman and they bite at my arms until Im sleeping. she takes a bite of a snake and it crunches and becomes glass in her mouth and I can taste her blood. “we are here, we are here not long now. be ready”


Female Age 29

Weight 112

Hight: 5’6’’

subject has not slept in the past seven days. attempts to sedate have resulted in six deaths. Harris plans to confront subject with this and determine weather or not she can be held responsible. sterling insists that she has no awareness of any wrong doing. we have found several tunnels into the lower portions of the fort and suspect the rebels are attempting a rescue none of the tunnels have been closed of but guards have been informed of their existence. I believe we have ghosts in the building and do not want to alert them to our knowledge

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Digging the foundations

Before we get started this is a story that is in progress. it is unedited and things will be moved, added. taken out and shot as needed. but this is the first chapter. and the begining of chapter two

Chapter 1

the more I try to fix me the more broken I become

He’s pounding on my door again but I can ignore him, for now at least. sooner or later he always gets in I’ve asked them to change the locks. They probably don’t, but I always ask. The pounding comes again and I roll to my side and face the wall. There’s a black smudge on the paper near the top of the wall i’ve no idea how it came to be there and I have thought about having the spot scrubbed away but it’s not always there, so when I point it out for them to clean they nod convincingly, they are always convincing, but then they never actually clean it and part of me is glad to keep it, the smudge reminds me of why i’m here, that flaw that is so obvious and elusive at the same time.

He’s in the room now, I didn’t hear the door open, but then again I never do Vayu has a knack for that he gets into places without anyone hearing him it’s annoying. I ignore him this annoys him which pleases me, it makes me feel real.

“Are you quite through?” he has a british accent today and the word quite, is clipped and elegant as though he pruned the dead rose blossoms off a bush with a quick snap. giving more room for growth

“Say it again” I know he won’t we did this once and I made him repeat himself too often for him to indulge me any longer. I will add quite to the list of words though and see if I can trick him into saying them. I think about the list it’s hidden away so it wont get tossed but I worry about it all the same. if I lose the words, I feel lost. I must remember quite though so I can write it down. “it’s quite nice to see you again” it doesn’t sound the same when I say it but I know it’s important.

He overlooks my use of the word but I know he will write it down later as well, another piece to the puzzle I suppose. I often wonder if he’s got a whole list of things he’s trying to peace together to form a logical paragraph about me just as I have dissected words and phrases to disassemble him. “ Why did you make me wait so long today?”

“How do you suppose that mark got there?” I don’t bother to point, he will either understand or not and his comprehension has no bering on where the interview is headed he has his coordinates and will not allow diversion from the path. it is far more enjoyable to have these talks this way. With him driving and dragging me along side whilst (another one of the words i’ve collected this one is snake like and ends with a lovely hiss and pop, I must not forget quite) I pick up shiny objects that have fallen along his chosen path, this way he travels along his path and I find treasure as I stumble through brambles. “It must be quite a stubborn mark since it hasn’t been cleared away yet”

Vayu nods pleased “There are some marks that are nearly impossible to remove, but with time and patience they can fade and those who love us can overlook them”

“They probably haven’t tried to clear it away” The smudge on the wall is larger now and I wonder how they all miss it, the room holds only me the bed and the smudge. it doesn’t hold Vayu, nothing does. The smudge would not survive if it tried to leave. I have not tried to leave but I know I must. i worry that I might be like the smudge, and leaving will destroy me

“Perhaps not all marks should be removed?” Vayu seems pleased with me, he thinks that today we will walk together and he will not have to drag me. This is nonsense, but I like perhaps. quite, perhaps, quite, perhaps. I have to be careful, some of the words get lost if you say them too much. I lost abide, I wore it out during a very intolerant week. it began to sound ragged and made up, it is still on my list but it looks imagined.

“Perhaps yes, perhaps not. Why?” I decide to take a few steps with Vayu, His eyes narrow he only watches me he tried to take notes during our visits once, it ended badly, but I collected a great many words that day. “They are reminders of where you came from” I scowl I do not like that thought, something in those words threatens, and I sit down on the path, I will not walk. I begin to hum it is tuneless but it drowns out the thought he has so rudely put into the room. the room is suddenly too small and the all the air seems to be leaving.

Vayu watches me “Perhaps your not quite ready to discuss this?” he has brought the air back and gave me the words again, sometimes I trick him into giving them to me but now it’s a gift , a glittering stone he has tossed on to the path and I retrieve it and I know he wont bring up the thought again, not today. I think of my list and I want more of the pretty little gems that hiss and pop and dance on the tongue.

“repeat it!” Vayu shakes his head sadly. he has a hat now and he wants to walk with me again, we never go anywhere when he repeats, he thought he might at first and he would let me show him the lists and read them to me. But our walks on those days were in circles and I was loath (that is another one I like its round like a marble in the mouth.) to let him leave.

“Why did you make me wait so long?” He’s brought us back to the trail head again and I can hear the birds in the trees next door. it’s a rattling noise I hope he didn’t bring the snake again. “snake?” Vayu shakes his head “woodpeckers then” he seems ok with the birds and I agree I do not like it when he brings the snakes they tie me in them and let them bite until I sleep. I do not know what the woodpeckers will do but they hum like bees in the trees next door. and I know that this is not right but Vayu told me they were birds and Vayu would not lie. Vayu watches me and then stands “you will not make me wait so long tomorrow.” He is gone and so I remind them that they need to make sure the walls are scrubbed and that the mark has gotten bigger. it wont be cleaned but they all nod at me as I speak.

Female age 29

weight 117

height 5’6

interviewer: Sterling

subject is not eating and shows considerable preoccupation with words will speak to the interviewer about not pushing for more answers. subject once again has complained that her quarters are soiled. considering medications again however dosing has been an issue.

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